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Courageously Ask for the Support You Need

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“Here is the basic rule for winning success. Let’s mark it in the mind and remember it. The rule is: Success depends on the support of other people. The only hurdle between you and what you want to be is the support of other people.” – David Joseph Schwartz, Science fiction & fantasy writer

“Isolation is the dreamkiller, not your attitude. No amount of positive thinking can replace information, encouragement and accountability. You need input and support from other people. They’ll tell you things you need to know, encourage and believe in you and keep you moving toward your dream.”  –Barbara Sher

I’m writing a life design course entitled the Flow Mapping Sessions which I hope and pray will be ready to go out into the world in the Spring, 2014. Most recently I’ve been writing about the importance of support to the success of fulfilling one’s desires and dreams. So I thought I’d share an insert with you in which I list the steps you should consider to get the support you need as you work towards cultivating a life you love.

Whether you are a new mom or have been doing this motherhood thing for a while you know all too well that you need lots of support just to stay on top of the day to day.

But when you add to your plate the business of actually attempting to pursue and nurture your own passions and dreams the need for support is ten-fold. And the only way to get it is to ask for what you need when you need it without a whole lot of pussy footin’ around.

Remember you cannot create alone. The most successful people I know and you know had a lot of support along the way and if you want a chance at any level of your own success you will have to enroll the help of others.

So here are some steps you can take to start getting the support you need:

1. First discern what you really need.

Your needs will obviously change depending on what you’re working so the key here is just to always be mindful of what you really need based on where you are in your life and what you are doing and working towards. Simply put, know your needs so you can clearly communicate them.

2. Take stock of and tap into your own internal resources.

You have your own talents, gifts and strengths that you can tap into and use to support your dreams and desires. If you’ve taken any of the tests I’ve recommended you should know what your strengths are and draw from them when you need them. Your own strengths are a great source of inner guidance in directing your path.

Sidebar: In my book I recommend several tests to help you more clearly understand your strengths. One of those test is the widely known Strengths Finder Test. However you will have to get the book Strengths Finder 2.0 for the access code to take the test.

3. Next, share your vision and intention.

Share it with your partner, friends, family, mentors, advisors, your inner circle/tribe, people who you know will support you and then courageously ask for help. Ask for what you need and want. No one can read your mind and so if you don’t ask, no one will know that you need help or how to help you.

Give people clear instructions on what you need to get the ball rolling on your ideas and vision. The worst thing that can happen is someone may say no to helping you but then you’ll just be right where you started. You’ll eventually get a yes which will lead to the next yes and before you know it the right people will show up at the right time giving you all the help you need when you need it.

I know all too well that us moms particularly need support for our dreams and passions. We simply cannot do great things out in the world without a whole lot of support from friends, family and people who just believe in us. But you’ve got to get out there and ask for the support you need.


4. Join a group or start one.

There are all kinds of support and social groups, organizations and associations that can support your ideas and vision.

Join or start a Meet-up. There are all kinds of Meet-ups in every city for just about every interest imaginable. Meet-ups are a great way to connect with others who share similar interests or challenges and can offer you a great community of support.

Join or start a Mastermind group.

Napoleon Hill, in the book, Think & Grow Rich, introduced the concept of the Mastermind Group, which if you don’t know is a group of like-minded individuals who come together to support each other in creating and implementing goals. Mastermind Groups are created as a support network for one’s business or professional and personal endeavors. The group brainstorms ideas for each person’s goals, it gives feedback, it inspires, and it helps one set up accountability structures all in an effort to help each person successfully achieve their personal and professional pursuits.

There are several sites that can help you get started in creating and running a Mastermind Group. But here is a site that may be useful and worth checking out. Or you can join an existing one by just asking around in your area.

Similar to Mastermind groups are Success Teams, a concept created by Barbara Sher. Learn what a Success Team is and how to join one here.

Join a mom’s support group.

Mom groups are an excellent way to get the support you need from other moms at a similar stage in motherhood as you. You can share and exchange resources, ideas and even child care and not only are you supported but you get to be a support to someone else too which sounds like a fair exchange to me.

5. Hire a life coach or ask someone you admire to be your mentor.

Often the kind of support we need is having someone pose the powerful questions so that we can get to the right answers within and then it’s about having an accountability partner to help us stay on track towards what we say we want and need. This is what a life coach or mentor can do for you.

I encourage you to do your own research and learn more about the benefits of hiring a life coach but trust me when I say a life coach can be invaluable when it comes to having someone in your corner to help you navigate the transformative process of learning how to create and live a life you love.

Here’s a video on Huffington Post that may help you see the value of life coaching.

6. Regularly break bread with 3 or more trusted friends.

I love, love this idea of connecting with friends on a regular basis to create an intimate community of support within which you can share and exchange ideas and resources, cheer each other on and hold each other accountable.

This gathering of hearts and minds should be with your tribe. Your posse. Your most trusted compadres. Your peeps.

What is shared in the group stays in the group. There must be trust, connection, and genuine desire for each other’s success.

You can keep these weekly or bi-weekly get-togethers as formal or informal as you like or mix it up.

You can host a simple dinner party and rotate homes. You can do afternoon tea or you can go out to dinner or lunch at your favorite restaurants.

This time is all about creating a close-knit circle of support around your dreams and aspirations. The reason you do it around food is because food is comforting and nourishing. Sharing a meal is a great connector. It’s intimate. And when you throw in some wine or bubbly it becomes celebratory. What better way to support each other in making your dreams come true.

I suggest using the courses of dinner to guide your agenda. As you wait for and then eat your appetizers you can catch up on what you’ve been working on and the progress you’ve made. During the main course you can share what you want to create or make happen next and finally during dessert you can discuss next steps and how you can support each other. You can also use this time to celebrate the big and small wins as you progress.

7. Build your team / Collaborate and Co-create with others.

Hire the support you need to take things off your plate to free you up to do the things you most need and want to focus on.

Hire experts and specialists you need for specific jobs you can’t do.

Collaborate with others on ideas and projects you’re ready to develop and implement.

The Benefits of Collaboration:

There’s a lot written about collaboration and the value of it and I encourage you to learn more from the many resources out there. For example, Lynne Twist has much to contribute on the subject of collaboration on which she devotes a whole chapter on it in her book, The Soul of Money.

I see collaboration as a way to foster creativity and innovation. It also allows team members to leverage each other’s strengths and talents for greater success.

The synergy of community, talent, ideas, and space creates a unique opportunity to tap into the power of collaboration and group genius.

In other words, the atmosphere and culture of collaboration allows team members to openly share their knowledge, ideas, and experiences which becomes a collective intelligence and a great benefit to all who are a part of the collaborative network.

What you may not realize is that collaboration is not just for the workplace or your business. There is opportunity to collaborate around just about any project you take on.

You can collaborate with your family around home projects. You can collaborate with friends to start a new movement.

The point is if you have a big idea don’t try to take it on alone. There are people around you who can support you and contribute their ideas to the pot of creation, and offer a fresh perspective as well as their time, energy and talents which is a recipe for success in whatever you’ve set out to create.

Do you have the courage to ask for the support you need?

I’ve presented many ideas for getting the support you need but we all know that asking for support is not easy especially when we’re trying not to be a burden to others.

It takes great courage to ask for the help we need when we need it but keep in mind that people want to be of service. Most of us want to be the hero for someone or some cause. People will raise their hand to support you as long as you demonstrate that you value their support.

So don’t forget this very important piece of acknowledgment and recognition. Give credit where credit is due. Show your gratitude and appreciation because just as people want to be supportive they also want to be appreciated.

If you get nothing else from this post just remember that – “You get from this life what you have the courage to ask for.” – Oprah

Next Steps:

1. Figure out one thing you need support around.

2. Ask for the support you need with that one thing.

3. Leave a comment below and share the ways you have successfully asked for the support you needed.

Extra credit: Pass this post on. Tweet it. Google + it. Facebook it. Pinterest it. They’ll love you for it!

Take care of you,




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