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How to Cultivate A Life You Love – Part 3



Here’s Part 3 of our three part series on How to Cultivate A Life You Love. If you missed Part 1 and Part 2 please go back and read those first.

S for Self-love

Finally the third component of our G.P.S. system is Self-love. The process of growing and cultivating anything requires that you nurture it and care for it and since you are cultivating yourself and your life its vital that you nurture yourself and your life by first adopting a mindset of self-love and then performing generous acts of self-care.

Self-love is vital to creating what’s possible, to fulfilling your dreams, and to nurturing your passions and deepest desires for more, whether it’s more joy, freedom, abundance, play, adventure, business success or heathy relationships.

If you don’t have a conscious and deep level of self-love you won’t commit to doing the work necessary to cultivate a more fulfilling and joyful life. In fact, you’ll do the opposite, you’ll not only resist the work you need to do to follow your authentic path, you’ll abandon the path all together. A lack of self-love and resistance will push you deeper into a life of dis-ease, self-loathing, joylessness, dissatisfaction and struggle.

So how deep is your love?

When you consciously and deeply love yourself you do the things that demonstrate that. You take extremely great care of yourself. You don’t judge yourself or feel shame for your mistakes. You forgive yourself. You have compassion for your human being-ness. You do not sacrifice your happiness or well-being for others. You only say yes to what you “LOVE” and what you need and want because you don’t have room in your life for shit you don’t love or don’t need.

Sam Keen, in To Love and Be Loved says that, “Self-love depends on mastering the same elements that are necessary to love others. As nearly as I can tell, all the emotions, commitments, modes of care-giving, and skills that are involved in a loving relationship with my child, my wife, my friend, my neighbor, apply equally to my relationship with myself.” 

“Additionally, loving the self requires the same kind of commitment and vows as a marriage. Promise to love and cherish all parts of your self…remain faithful to your self, and nurture your potentialities now in the bud…”

Are you as committed to yourself as you are to others?

Are you willing to love all of you and be faithful to your needs and dreams?

When you are committed and faithful to your self and fully in love with your self, this self-love connects you to the truth of who you are and to a deep knowing of the necessity to nurture yourself and your dreams. Self-love propels you to feed your life with the joy and beauty of living your heart’s desires, passions and purpose.

This kind of self-nurturing is key to finding the joy and fulfillment you’ve been searching for, and cultivating a life you love because self-love is the fertilizer that is essential to the cultivation and blooming of your life. In other words, when you love, nurture and invest in yourself your life blossoms into its full potential and expression and expands beyond your wildest dreams.

This level of self-love is demonstrated through the practice of extreme self-care and the declaration that you matter and have the right to honor your wants and needs, and your purpose and dreams unapologetically.

You may find the uncompromising practice of self-love through extreme self-care a bit challenging at first but you can cultivate a more loving and caring relationship with yourself over time with small acts of self-care.

Give yourself flowers. Rest when your body is screaming for a nap. Skip doing the dishes or laundry (trust me they’ll be there when you get back) and go see a movie or get a pedicure or have lunch with your girlfriends. Learn to say “NO” when it’s in your best interest to do so. Take shit off your plate that doesn’t allow you to support your best self and focus on what’s most important to you. Say “YES” to what you really want.

Whether you say “YES” to yourself or “No” to others the most important thing to remember is that standing up for yourself and genuinely loving yourself will set you on the right path to living your most joyful, authentic and fulfilling life.

I Love Me Written inside a Heart Drawn in Sand

What is your self-love language?

Gary Chapman wrote the book, The Five Love Languages, which describes the five love languages for relationships and “how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate,” but what is your self-love language?

How do you best want and need to be loved by you?

Is it acts of kindness, gifts, sweet self-talk, self-pleasuring, or me time?

It’s time to figure out what your self-love language is and start giving yourself what you need most when you need it instead of waiting on others to take care of you and show you love. You shouldn’t expect anyone to be in love with you as much as you should be in love with your self.

Just as Kat tells Vivian in the movie Pretty Women, “take care of you,” I’m telling you to “Take care of YOU!”

Give yourself what you need and want and demonstrate your own deep commitment to your self and the life you long to live.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody is the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

For those of you who think all of this is a bit too self-indulgent and narcissistic I say look, the alterative is to continue down the path of self-loathing and more of the same disappointment and dissatisfaction with life you’ve been experiencing, which really hasn’t been working for you I assume. So why not give this radical self-care thing a try and see what new results you get.

Once you really, truly start valuing and loving your self enough to nurture yourself and your dreams you will experience a shift – I call it the Self-Love Shift – which will shift you onto your right path.

You will experience a course-correction and find your true, rightful path that will take you beyond anything you’ve ever imagined for yourself. This is the power of SELF-LOVE. This kind of self-love is key to removing the barriers to cultivating a life you love and opening the floodgates to manifesting your heart’s desires. So give yourself as much love as possible until you know your true value and become open to receiving what you truly deserve – a life you love.

So now that you have your G.P.S system for navigating the journey of cultivating a life you love are you ready to be a conscious Cultivator? I sure hope so because you are embarking on an amazing journey and I can’t wait to see where it takes you.

Call to Action:

Let’s have an ongoing conversation.

My transformational guide, The Flow Mapping Sessions, which is available NOW will be available soon is all about the process of cultivating a life you love, but in the meantime we can all benefit and help each other now by starting an ongoing conversation about Cultivation and what is means for ourselves, our children and our community.

I have a dream to cultivate a life I love and to help others do the same.

This is my mission.

Please join me.

Join me if you want to be apart of a community of Cultivators at #WeCultivate. You can also find me and fellow Cultivators at #cultivate and #cultivatealifeyoulove on Twitter.

We’ll recognize you as one of us if you’re speaking our language. You know lots of talk about growth and development, nurturing yourself and your dreams, the growth mindset, patience, self-love, making the world a better place, fulfilling one’s potential and purpose, learning from your mistakes, using failure as feedback, living in your flow.

You get the point.

And finally don’t forget to tweet it, pin it, google+ it if this post resonates with you.

Until next time. Take care of you!

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