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Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness for Someone Else’s

Susbany / Pixabay

Have you ever sacrificed your own happiness so someone else could be happy? 

I mean how many times has someone wanted you to do something you really did not want to do because you knew it would be a miserable experience for you and then they got mad at you for not doing what would make them happy?

Or vice versa, you have a dream or opportunity you want to pursue but it would significantly affect someone else’s life so they’d rather you stay where you are and not follow your heart.

Why should someone else’s happiness be at the expense of your own? It shouldn’t.

We are all responsible for our own happiness.

You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness and they are not responsible for yours.

No one should want another to sacrifice their own happiness so that they themselves can be happy.

I speak from experience. When I found out that we were being given an opportunity to move to California I was ecstatic because it’s something I’d wanted for a long, long time, like over 20 years long. Unfortunately, the thought of telling my mother tapered my enthusiasm. I’m my mother’s only child and my two children are her only grandchildren so our moving away was very upsetting news to say the least. I  know many families have dealt with the same issue – grandparents not wanting their children and grandchildren to move away and it brings up many emotions.

But it’s one thing to be sad about such changes in life. It’s another to make it the end of the world.  

Yet my mother did just that. She made me feel like I’d completely betrayed her and put the weight of her unhappiness on my shoulders or at least that’s how I felt. I knew it was not mine to own but it still made me very sad to know she was hurting.

We could have easily said we’re staying so that our families could be content and not feel the sadness of our absence but the bottom-line is this…we owed it to ourselves to pursue our dreams and move towards a more ideal life for ourselves and our children. Staying for the joy of occasional visits at the expense of our everyday quality of life and joy made no sense and I’m perfectly okay with our choice to be happy. Besides we moved to another state not another planet. We visit, family and friends can visit and there’s always Skype.

Every day you should strive to live in your flow, to live an authentic life, to stand in your truth and to live your dreams not someone else’s. 

Whether it’s moving across the world to your ideal Spot, coming out of the closet, quitting your job to be a stay-at-home mom, or pursuing a career in music when your parents want you to be a fourth generation doctor. Or a very common one with women and that’s staying in an abusive or miserable marriage for the sake of the kids.

This is YOUR life and you have the right to be happy in it. You have a right to pursue your own dreams. You have a right to joy and fulfillment and a sense of well-being.

I’m all for making appropriate and reasonable sacrifices for the happiness and well-being of others but when it comes to the big stuff, the major life decisions and your everyday quality of life, I say claim your slice of happiness and joy and give the would-be dream blockers the time and space to accept your right to live your most authentic and fulfilled life. They may be sad or hurt for a while, but they’ll get over it…and so should you. Besides, somehow it always works out for the best for everyone concerned. Even when it comes to the breakup of a family, your children will see you in a better place and ultimately they will benefit from a happier mom.

As for my mom, she has accepted and settled into the transition. It wasn’t easy but she survived and is doing fine. We talk often and we look forward to amazing visits with each other. In other words, it ain’t ideal, for she wishes we were there, but it’s all good and I know deep down she’s happy because we’re happy.


Now be honest, how are you sacrificing your own happiness for someone else’s? Please share below your thoughts, insights and ways you are letting someone else’s happiness come at the expense of your own. 

50 people have commented
  1. Jolene Cleverly says:

    Everyday I sacrifice my own happiness for my parents and my child. It is so unfair, but there’s nothing that I can do about it. I am so miserable because I can’t pursue my own dreams and live my own life. They are totally against my dreams.

    • lovelife1717 says:

      You need to man up and follow your dreams, What example are you showing your son. That he can’t follow is on dreams, if they don’t understand now. Your son will when he is grown, is for a better future for you both.You come first, with out you they can’t do nothing for them self. Follow your dreams it will bring better future for all.

      • cen says:

        What about a sense of duty? I got pregnant; I should be able to hold off for a little while on my own pursuits and give my son some balance in his crazy life. Shouldn’t I? That’s all I’ve been taught and all I’ve been guilted on since the day I let his father (who is a stellar father, lousy husband). So, what the hell do I do?

  2. myles says:

    What if it is about your child, the only reason your holding on? And that because you think if you free yourself how can you start over a new life if you lost everything, career, opportunities, money, age because of that sacrifice?

  3. Sandy says:

    I’m sacrificing my entire life for my husband and son. I have gone through physical and mostly emotional abuse from my husband who I believe loves me but doesn’t know how to treat a women and I can’t stand it anymore. But I stay in the marriage because I don’t want to leave him and him be left hurt as alone and I want my son to be raised with a family

    • Jackie says:

      He doesnt love you enough to stop hitting you. Leave him. Plan your escape. Put money way in your sisters account. Practice a skill to get a job. Move out of state and get a restraining order .

    • Zaza says:

      I’m a product of a toxic marriage. All I remember seeing and hearing between my mum and dad is fighting, physical abuse and threats of killing each other. As a result of the above I struggle a lot in my adult life and my mum believes that I owe her everything because she stayed in a love-less marriage for my sake. Moral of the story is, its not worth the sacrifice, your child can have the possibility of a much better life if you find the strength to leave the abusive marriage you’re in. I am one to know – my relationships do not last mainly because I do not know what a normal healthy relationship is, I never had the opportunity to experience that life with my parents. What parents sometimes fail to understand is that the toxic environment they subject themselves and their children to has very severe consequences to the well-being of the kids. Please make the right decision before its too late. My aunt stayed in an abusive relationship for years and the husband ended up beating her to death and now her 5 children are left without a mother and the impeding agony of knowing that their dad killed their mom. I urge you to please leave before things get out of hand. It’s never too late to start picking up the pieces.

  4. […] to find Nicole Wolf’s pleasant, easy to read blog that is full of good sense and warm advice. Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness  struck a chord with me specially where Nicole says, ” …Or a very common one with women, […]

  5. Mystic says:

    I loved your blog post and have re blogged it on my blog. Beautiful blog – thanks for being inspiring.

  6. The Care Taker says:

    I’ve lived with my mom and grandma my whole life. In high school I wanted to go away for college but I didn’t because it became more appearnt I’d be stuck where I was. I went to college for a couple years then stopped because I couldn’t afford it. Two years ago I became my grandmas caregiver. I want to travel and get out of this town. Every time I’ve tried to change and venture out on my own my mom seems to always reign me in. I haven’t been truly happy in 6 years.

  7. Will says:

    I’m 19, in college, and I am gay. I want to love and to be loved, but I am so afraid to pursue the happiness of being in a relationship, and coming out because of my parents. I come from a religious family, and my parents have made it clear about how much they disapprove of homosexuality, how they think its disgusting, unnatural, not what God intended, and it only hurts me all the more because I am religious myself, and the fact that they feel this way about a group of people that I am a member of not even by my own accord is painful. I am afraid of being disowned, I mean I love my family of coarse and that is why I am afraid; the chance that they may not love me anymore. Even thinking about this makes me feel disgusting and worthless because I know that’s how they would see me if they ever knew. All I want is to be able to be happy, and to feel loved and accepted by those that I love most. Currently I am haunted by the fact that I am who I am, and I don’t think that I deserve to feel that way, but for years I have been putting my own happiness aside to please my family and keep peace. I am even afraid to tell my closest friends in fear that something may get back to my family. On top of all this, I know I am living a lie and I hate it. I’m just afraid that if I reveal my true identity that I will be even unhappier than I am now, so I just deal with it.

    • Nicole Wolf says:

      Will I cannot say whether it is time to tell you family but what I do know is you are not alone. There are many others experiencing or have experienced what you are going through. My best advice is to seek the support you need from others who have gone through this and come out on the other side happier and more fulfilled. Find your tribe and let them support you as you find the courage to live your truth.
      Wishing you much love and happiness. – Nicole

    • Damien says:

      Are you still struggling with this problem? I know someone that can help you sort things out. Reply back if you would like his info.

      • Damien says:

        Sorry, to be specific, someone who has been through this similar issue and is also gay. Not someone who will judge you or tell you that you are wrong for being gay.

  8. […] to find Nicole Wolf’s pleasant, easy to read blog that is full of good sense and warm advice. Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness  struck a chord with me specially where Nicole says, ” …Or a very common one with women, […]

  9. lovelife1717 says:

    A letter to my Husband
    Follow your heart. Be true to yourself. Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breathe. Love as long as you live. Say what you need to say. Appreciate all the things you have. Smile. Celebrate your small victories. Learn from your mistakes. Realize that everything is a lesson in disguise. Forgive. And let go of the things you can’t control. Be able to say, “I have no regrets. . . Flames burn out, infatuation dries down, butterflies fade & you can’t control any of that… but you can control what you choose to settle for. I really think everything & everybody has a limit. And we all want at some point in our lives feel immensely loved, wanted, desired, and appreciated by that person… whom you love deeply. Be INLOVE with the right person, don’t sacrifice your happiness for your children. It will only make you miserable, your children will see you in a better place and ultimately they will benefit from a happier father. Now be honest with yourself, if you are truly in love with me then stay if not then go. All I want is for you to be happy, it would be unfair to you and all of us, Make a choice.

  10. Vanessa says:

    I’m in a relationship and the person I’m with loves me but I no longer feel the same and I’ve tried to end it but they cry and beg and I come back cause I don’t wanna make them sad because I love them not as a partner but as a friend and I don’t know what to do anymore cause I keep crying cause I want out but I feel miserable hurting them.

    • Nicole Wolf says:

      Tell them that they DESERVE someone who really wants to be with them and that by begging you to stay they are keeping their TRUE LOVE from finding them. And the same goes for you. You DESERVE to be with someone you really love. If they really, truly care about you and love you they will let you go. Guilting you into staying hurts both of you and blocks the blessings waiting on the other side of the initial hurt of ending the relationship. I hope that helps.

      • KBone says:

        I just found this site because I am looking for some clarity and answers. I am replying to the above post because I am in the same situation precisely. I have been struggling as well with not wanting to hurt my husband and thinking how it will affect my son. I have been praying to God to help my husband and son accept that I deserve to be happy and to love and to be loved truly. I believe there is a time when things will finally dissolve but I do not know when. This site has helped and I feel that I am not alone in this plight. I feel so cheated for sacrificing my happiness for another’s happiness. Thank you Nicole and for those who have shared their feelings and situations to help others although I am a year late…LOL! I know things will work out some how for each of you, if it has not already.

  11. Liza Marie says:

    I tend to sacrifice my happiness for my best friend. We currently are at different stages In life… Me in a happily committed relationship and her single. We are in out late twenties. She still loves the night life and going out where as if rather stay home or just go to dinner. The problem comes in when I tell her I don’t want to go out… She makes me feel guilty about it as of I’m neglecting her or choosing my boyfriend over her. Neither is the case. I’ve expressed to her a number of times that I just don’t want to go out to clubs anymore single or not. I’m. Not sure what else to do

  12. Crystall says:

    I’m Sacrifing my happiness for one boy who loves me more than anything .. and i love another boy … 🙁
    but if he is happy then my sacrifices worth 🙂

  13. Natasha says:

    Hi, I feel like I am sacrificing my youth and happiness on for my family whom I love very much. I am 25 and rediscovering all the things I want to do with my life. My husband and I have been together since I was 17 , we fell head over heels for each other and have been living together practicly since we have been together. But that’s not all. We have never lived alone. The first year we got our own place I had my family with us which was stressful for both he and I. After 2 years of that I told them that we all just needed to move out on our own. So we get a new place, and his friend who he brought up here for work came with. That was two years ago. Now we also have his uncle living with us as well. These some other stuff that happened between all this with the people that stay with us.I feel like he put in 2 years with my fanily and so have I with his and its almost like I feel if we can be on our own then I want to be on my own. I have mentionted the fact that i just want to be us on our own be he just says there is not antything we can do about it right now. But I don’t want to do that to our 3 yr old son. He all but worships his dad and I don’t want yo be the reason his family isButt intact anymore.

  14. Lori says:

    I am married to a man who loves me a lot. He has an alcohol addiction and when he drinks he can be a Jeckyl and Hyde…and you don’t know which one you’ll get when he binge drinks. We have had plenty of discussions over this. I am super unhappy ad keep thinking if we break ties he will drink every day and he will become homeless as he was in the past. I don’t go anywhere unless he is working because I am afraid when I come home he’ll be drunk. I am unhappy in my marriage but yet I continue to stay. WHY? I do no know. Please help.

  15. p says:

    Hey, i na want to become a fashion designer… But my mom says studyng it will cost alot… N so she made me join a engineering college in electricals n communications branch… Im in 1st year now…. N i cant do it any more… My sister na she flunkef in 12th but still my mom sent her out from our hometown… But eben though i scored good marks she didn’t send me out… That too der is only one engineering college in this place n im stuck over here… From many days i am depressed.i cant hold it any more… Yesterday i read ths blog… N thought after my 1st year i vl leave all this n fulfil my dreams but im scared scared of loosing my mom.what should i do. Think about myself or should i sacrifice my dreams n hurt myself .please do reply. I really need a answer. I cant bear it anymore.

  16. p says:

    N i cant afford loosing my mom… Because Shez a single mother n have done a lot to us.

  17. a says:

    my mom is a single-parent so I really want to make her happy. I often sacrifice my needs if I feel that my mom hasn’t enough money. moreover my sister almost say whatever she wants all the time and I think that I can’t be a bigger burden to my mom. but sometimes, I feel miserable if there’s something I really want yet I can’t talk it. I also don’t talk about this problem to anyone because it may seems like our family is poor. I try my best to meet my mom’s expectation on school, so I pay attention to my grades. In exam-season I’m stressed out to study and stressed more if I get a bad grade. so what should I do? because these days I don’t think I’m living my life to the fullest

  18. Suffering with morality says:

    I have been married for about 10 years and we have 2 children whom i love with all my heart and i would give my soul for. The last few years have been rough and although i love my wife i dont feel like i am in love with her anymore. The last year or so this has become more apparent to me since we have been geographically seperated because of necessities of my job. In that time ive seen how happy couples interact with each other, and just by chance, be it wrong or not, i happened to start spending time with someone i think truely makes me happy. My issue is that i want my children to grow up with a family and a father in their everyday life, not just every other weekend or longer because of the distance apart. And this is all compounded because i grow up without a father and i vowed i would never do that to my children. If i had no children im sure this would be an easy decision for me but such is not the case. I feel like im drowning and im struggling with being moral and i just need some sort of guidance. Not a direct answer but just some advise. Please ANY would be appreciated.

    • Nicole Wolf says:

      We all fall in and out of love with the person we’re committed to. Myself included. It doesn’t mean we should end the relationship when we’re not feeling “in love” all the time. Focus on the positive and what makes your wife a good wife, mother and person, the attributes you admire and love about her. Start dating again like when you first met. Tell her you appreciate her for keeping things together when you’re away for work. Bring her a surprise. Touch, hug, share your feelings and desire to find the spark between you two again. The spark is probably still there it’s just become dulled after years of becoming complacent. Of course the new person is exciting and makes you happy. That’s what new tends to do. But your marriage can be made new again with some effort and that’s what marriage is all about, making the effort because you care for and love one another.

      People tend to give up way too easily just because their marriage doesn’t look like a fairy tale but we tend to forget it doesn’t just happen in some magical way with no effort on our part. You have to work at creating the happy in your relationship. And trust me once you start making the effort she will reciprocate and make the effort too.

      Also remember your wife is probably feeling the same way about you. You’re not that exciting to her either right now. You have to be the kind of person in the relationship you want her to be. Trust me she’ll see a change in you and then step up her game as well.

      Look you can take this guidance to heart or you can take the easy way out and end your marriage and a lifetime of potential true happiness with the mother of your children. I say, man up and make every effort to save your marriage. You at least owe your wife, your children and yourself that much. And if it still doesn’t work out then at least you gave if your best shot. Good luck!

  19. […] the idea is this: don’t ever, don’t ever fucking ever, ever, ever sacrifice your happiness in order to get women to like you – ever, ever, ever. Just look for ways to tweak it. Just […]

  20. Tia N says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 1 year and a half now. We met through his sister, who was my very best friend and have already passed away 3 years ago.
    We sort of hooked up and he asked me to be his boyfriend in less than a few weeks of dating, at first i thought he was a gift that was arranged by his sister, for the both of us, he turns out to be a really really great guy. We’re 10 years apart, i started having communication barrier with him bc i felt like there wasn’t much things that we could talk about except for businesses, which was his ultimate interest.
    I have talked to him about it, and he said he would change for me, try to have more things to talk about and give in to my interests as well. I gave him a chance, however, recently i felt like i have been pretty numb about things…. i felt like there was no chemistry or whatsoever between him and i.
    I’ve been having alot of activities, sports, trips without him and it suddenly made me feel like that’s the happiness that i need to seek in my life. Honestly it’s been very comfortable with him i swear, he’s one husband material. He did talk about marriage but i told him i would want to wait a little longer… i’m not sure if marriage is what i want right now, seeing that i’m not even sure what i’m feeling towards him right now.
    He’s got business going on with my father, and my parents sincerely adore him… i know that my parents are not going to be happy if i ended this, his parents, his siblings, some of my friends would say that i’m stupid to leave a guy like him…
    i really do appreciate the things that he’s done for me.. but i just can’t see myself being in love and it’s killing me to know that if i turn my back on him it’s going to hurt him and that’s the last thing that i’d want to do. What should i do 🙁

  21. Morgan H says:

    Nicole, please help me. I’m 24 and my husband and I have been married for three years. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. He is an amazing father, but not such a good husband… He has said openly that he doesn’t trust me. He constantly questions my where abouts and if I’m telling him the truth -especially about silly things like feeding our dogs. His latest idea of a compromise to rectify his mistrust in me and his hatred towards my friends is that I should have scheduled days to hang out with my friends because the rest of my time is his. I know relationships take sacrifices. I’ve heard him say sorry more times than I can count for his accusations and inquiries. I’m exhausted. I don’t want my daughter to see me like this. I try to stand up for myself and tell him these things hurt me and don’t make me happy and then I am told that is bs. He says I should be willing to sacrifice ANYTHING and EVERYONE for him. I don’t agree.
    It’s been 5 years of this exact same argument over and over. How much is too much? How can we fix this? Does it make me a horrible wife and mother to consider ending my marriage because my husband wants to control every aspect of my life? He says it is a wife’s duty. I disagree wholeheartedly, but I do t know where to go from here and how to solve this. I do t know if we can…

    • pete says:

      Either you are cheating or he has a guilty conscience because he himself is cheating and has become paranoid because of it.

  22. Mckee says:

    Hi, please help me with my situation,
    Here it comes,
    One day may grandmother is so sick so all family relatives gathered and pray and help my grandmother in hospitals bills, but suddenly she died in breast cancer, and then you know after my grandmother died and was buried some of my tito’s and tita’s were back to their old life but me stayed in the side of my grandfather, thats what may one of my tita’s ask me for a favor, ao i stayed and help and cared what my granfather, at first its ok to me i thought ut will not last becauss of course i want to have my life to, i haved graduated in college but i have no job, byt im thinking now I’ve stocked here with my grandfather, am i feeling right, its almost a year now with my grandfather, and im thinking what will happen to me now, i what to have life to live on my own dreams, but what will said about to me, my mother, my relatives, they will get angry, they will think i abandonmy grandfather, i dont know what to do, please help me, thank you in advance.

  23. xavier says:

    im 15 and my parents are split up i have 5 younger siblings that live with my mother but i want to live with my father and the only reason i stay is for my siblings they would be devastated if i left and im super depressed every day because of this. what do i do?

  24. VeryConfused says:

    Im in my 3rd year of college and have been living with my roommate of last year. We lived great together and decided to live with each other again. We are both in the marching band, but apparently like the same guy in band. Me and the guy talk everyday, but she says that she’s had a crush on him for the last two years. she never pursued anything with him, and he didn’t pursue anything with her. We both found out that he likes me and he wants to go out on a few dates with me. My roommate says she’s fine with it, but i know she really isn’t. She’s been very short with me ever since we found out that he likes me. And i want to accept his date offer, but at the same time am super hesitant because she doesn’t like it. i don’t want to hurt her, but i like him and he likes me, he makes me feel safe and secure, and dare i say, he makes me happy. would i be a terrible person if i went on a date with him? i feel like im a horrible friend if i do, but at the same time, he likes me and i like him. Advice would be really nice.

    • Nicole Wolf says:

      Sorry for the delayed response. But I did want to reach out and not necessarily give advice but rather my point of view. This is a very common scenario where two people who are friends like the same person. He asked you out and not her so it should be clear to her who he is choosing and if she’s a real friend she’ll be cool with that and not hold it against you. There’s someone perfect for her too and she needs to allow that to happen for her in it’s perfect time and way but resenting you will only delay her own happiness and right relationship from coming along. You can certainly point out to her the change in her towards you that you are feeling and see if you can move past it but if she’s not open to that then it’s okay to move on. Please enjoy your date(s) and make the effort to clear the air with your friend if she is open to that. True friendship is about supporting each others happiness not a bond to stay unhappy together.

  25. LifeSucksRightNow says:

    Honestly… There was this guy that I met a few years ago online in a game I played. We dated for a bit but I broke up with him and disappeared. A few years later we met again in the same game. He says he still likes me and wants to talk to me more, but because I feel bad I can’t tell him that I don’t want to talk to him anymore. He brings stress into my life, and I really don’t want the drama that’s been happening with me and him. He says that he’ll try and get over me but he wants me to be by his side as he does. He wants to talk to me more and call me more and I really just can’t stand it. I don’t know what to do… 😢

  26. What to do? says:

    Hi, I live California and want to move back to Oregon. My kids hate California and I feel more at home in Oregon, plus my kids love it up there. Here’s the problem first Im in a wheelchair and a single mom. I meet my kids dad when I was 23 we dated but my parents forbidden it, yes at 23 they treated me like I was 14. I decied to leave and never talked to them for over 5 years. Things went south with me and him. I got my own place and was pregant at the time. I was struggle a little with 2 small kids so my mom came back into my life. I tried to limit her in my life just but it was difficult couldn’t so I move back into my house. (One that I purchase years ago but her name is on it too). Well to my surprise she started to charge me rent to live in my own house. Yes, I paid because she made me feel gulity everyday by telling me how much I hurt her and my decision were always wrong. Well after a year of this I decided to move to California to get away. When I told her I didn’t want her to move with me, it was like WW3. I was told I will never make being a mom in a wheelchair. She made me feel so guilty about all my choices in life, I thought she was right. Well she, my dad, and little sister move down there over 5 years ago. Living life with my mom and dad have been hard emotionally. If I wanted to go out and I ask them to watch my kids they would tell me “your a mom your life is over” or “your being a slut” because I wanted to date. I bought a house in my name only and have been living there for 3 years but its time for me to move on. Now that I told them I want to sell they are guliting me to stay because my sister is in her junior year of college and I need to stay here because they always sacrifice for me now I have to do it for her. She doesnt even live here she has her place. My mom is always undermining me in front of my kids, plus I give her over $3000 a month to help me with my kids, help me clean, and cook. My kids are very close to her. But its feels never ending with the gulit of my past mistakes. Do I sell and move without caring about them or do I stay in an unhappy place just to them happy?

    • Nicole Wolf says:

      I’m a firm believer that we all have the answers within us to central life questions regarding our own happiness. You know what you need to do for your well-being and the well-being of your children. It sounds like your relationship with your parents is a bit toxic but only you know the true extent of it and have the power to heal and protect yourself. I cannot give you the answer to what you should do because you already know within yourself and I trust you will make the best possible decision for yourself and everyone concerned.

  27. Wen says:

    I appreciated your post, perhaps you could provide some thoughts on my current situation. My wife and I have been together 15 years, married for the past two years. I am also 10 years older.
    Within a few years of being together my wife was offered a career opportunity that required a relocation. She asked me to join her and being between jobs I reluctantly agreed. I don’t regret that initial decision but unfortunately the last 10 years have consisted of not one relocation but six moves. 6 moves in 10 years, from Connecticut to Oregon, Indiana to Florida, Pennsylvania back to Florida and now to Georgia. The first few moves required that I give up my job (one of which I truly loved, I work remote now so that is less of a burden). Of course I’ve made friends and had to say goodbye to those friends more times than I care to think about. After our most recent move, from Florida to Georgia, I asked my wife if we could buy a small home in FL, closer to Georgia than our previous home had been, she agreed as long as I was paying for it (we don’t share finances). I did find a great little home near Jacksonville. The home, sadly, was devastated by Hurricane Matthew, but it is being repaired and will be ready soon. Here is the problem, in the months since the hurricane, I have spent most of my time in Georgia and it is truly not the place for me. I’m sure it is perfect for some people but it just sucks the soul right out of me. I find no joy in being here.
    Being that my partner travels often for work, entire work weeks, I suggested that I would like to spend time at the house in FL, taking a class or two at the local college, contributing to the local art community down there. My wife now thinks that I am selfish. She states that I won’t be here (GA) when she is home on the weekends. I love her dearly and we do enjoy each other’s company but I am alone so often in a place that offers me little in way of interests or community. Also, because I do work remotely I am more isolated than most. I don’t want to be selfish and I am committed to our relationship but I feel like I’m am slowly dying inside. Your thoughts?

  28. Paul says:

    I have been sacrificing my happiness, independence and relationship because of my wife’s different opinion of life values…she ‘lives to work’, is focused on being successful in her own business endeavours, which has meant I have had to look after our 4 year old son outside of my own work (which has been suffering with performance issues as a result). Both in the evenings and weekends, while she wakes up at 11am and works through until 1.30am, simply because “that’s my body clock”. Yet she complains that’s still not being responsible enough, and tries to make me feel guilty if she thinks I might have some time enjoying myself.

    She (and her friend, both Chinese) expects me to sacrifice my own life to support her…to go without my own time to unwind after work, and all the other benefits a relationship brings. They both want to be financially free as soon as possible and doing so means compromising my quality of life now.

    This has lead me to question my own life and what I want from it, as I am a ‘work to live’ person who wants a balance from life. Who is to say I will manage to stay alive in 5 years time when she has achieved financial freedom…but them she would still want to work. So I’ve been off work for 2 months with anxiety, on an anti-depressant and seeing a counsellor to help with deciding whether I should leave her…as despite the above, it’s a hard decision to make, especially for my INTP MBTI personality type.

  29. Shawna Hamilton says:

    Hello i am 23, married, two small children, and an 88 year old grandmother who is a big part of pur life. By that i mean she raised me since i was a baby and now my lids and i see her 3 or so days a week. Im a horrible person if we dont. Were like the only ones that see her often. I guess i get sucked in because im a stay at home mom and i have nothing else to do right? Haha… She is honestly a pain in the a**. .im greatful for her but really she is the only person who makes me truly unhappy. Nothing is ever good enough. It has always been this way. I know she is old and i hate when people blame her meaness on her age. I feel like a horrible person if i decide to eother not visit as much or at all. I have no idea what to do.

  30. […] to find Nicole Wolf’s pleasant, easy to read blog that is full of good sense and warm advice. Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness  struck a chord with me specially where Nicole says, ” …Or a very common one with women, […]

  31. fauxrekt says:

    What if I love her and yet she is living her life perfectly and graciously and somehow putting yourself; an problematic person who loves her, in her life will put on tremors, flashbacks, heartaches, and upsets that somehow will forsake her life?

    Would I be responsible if I pursue my own happiness just to forsake her oh so perfect life?

  32. […] the idea is this: don’t ever, don’t ever fucking ever, ever, ever sacrifice your happiness in order to get women to like you – ever, ever, ever. Just look for ways to tweak it. Just […]

  33. Leaves says:

    How can one be truly happy when so many humans do not have enough to eat or clean water to drink, with species extinction rate at the highest ever, deforestation/erosion ever growing. One could attempt to live a materialistic life in ignorance to these mortal dangers but what are we leaving for our descendants? What would our descendants think of their kin? Love will reside in ones heart that takes individual responsibility for the Earth’s overall health, one method is through permaculture gardening, this way your piece of Earth your responsible for is of benefit to you & also the whole world. Studying nutritious plants that grow in dry/desert environments (ie outback Australia) & feeding any useful information/seeds found to working ethnobotanists on the ground in regions experiencing famine is one method of helping humanity.
    Anyone interested in the above ideas feel free to contact

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